花之器 The Vessel that Blossoms

花之器 The Vessel that Blossoms
by 許曉薇 Crystal Hee

相貌不佳的我，成長歷程中飽受他人冷眼。青春期停滯不長，體態肥胖，遭同儕忽視，也不受異性青睞。反覆在暴食暴飲和減肥催吐過程中循環之時，也深陷自慰和性幻想的漩渦。

我於是將全部心力放在對學業的追求。一路到大學畢業都成績斐然，然而在研究所期間，學業卻頓時陷入困境。在無數個熬夜之後，病魔悄然來襲。2011年的聖誕節前夕，獲知噩耗，一顆長在皮膚上看似無害的痘痘，竟被診斷為皮膚癌。長年遠離家鄉，孤身赴異地求學打拼，懷抱夢想，期盼受到肯定，卻在現實的荊棘中屢遭重挫。歷經了這些遭遇，我開始有意識地捕捉自身的影像。作品《櫃子裡的人》(2014)和《有容乃大》(2011)等裸體自拍作品，揭示了多年來肉身所承受的壓抑與各種挑戰。

而作品《花之器》(2016-2022) 持續探索了我在成長過程中，長年被忽視與缺愛的狀態下，透過自拍的方式回應當時的內在需求。將身體轉移成容器，開放給植物的介入和寄生，容許花朵枝葉鑽入身軀恣意生長，吸取養分。隨著重覆性的共組與解離、內在意志力與脆弱性的相互交織，過程中肉身逐漸與有機物融為一體，最終匯聚成這本攝影集。

With my unattractive appearance, I endured the cold stares of others throughout my growth. My adolescence was short-lived; I was overweight, ignored by my peers, and unappealing to the opposite sex. Besides being trapped in a repetition of binge eating, drinking, and purging through dieting, I was also profoundly caught up in masturbation and sexual fantasies.

I therefore devoted all my energy to academic pursuits. My grades were outstanding until I graduated college, but became difficult during the post-graduate time. After countless sleepless nights, I did not realize that illness was quietly approaching. On the eve of Christmas in 2011, I received the bad news that a seemingly harmless pimple on my skin was diagnosed as skin cancer. Having been away from home for many years, studying and striving alone in a foreign land, I harbored dreams and hoped for recognition but encountered significant setbacks in the thorns of reality. Thus, I began to capture my image consciously. Nude self-image “My Secret Playground” (2014) and “The Container” (2011) revealed the repression and various challenges I had endured for numerous years.

The work “The Vessel that Blossoms” (2016-2022) continued to explore my response to internal needs during my growth, which was marked by long-term neglect and lack of love. I envisioned my body as a vessel, open to the intervention and symbiosis of plants, allowing flower buds and leaves to grow freely within myself and get nutrients. Through the repetitive processes of composition and disintegration intertwined with my inner willpower and vulnerability, my flesh gradually merge with non-organic and organic beings, culminating in the outcome of this photography collection.

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Language: English & Chinese
Format: Hardcover | 108 pages
Dimensions: 250 x 250mm | 850g
ISBN: 978-626-01-3151-7
Publication Year: 2024 | First Edition of 500